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Discomfort and Growth

Comfort isn’t just physical—it’s a state of mind, and a dangerous one that makes it easy to stay put. When you’re comfortable, you’re not challenging the world around you or even engaging with it; you’re simply blending in.

A slight level of discomfort creates a completely different mindset, one in which you’re eager to move and create. You become inquisitive; you explore and invent. Your role shifts from passive observer to active participant.

Many of us have become so comfortable in our lives that we’ve forgotten exactly HOW to make ourselves uncomfortable. To help ignite your excitement about this idea, I thought I’d share a few strategies on how to do this.

1. Break a Routine

Routines are comfortable and mindless, which can often be a good thing. But when you want to break out of the comfort zone, you have to first break your routine. The good news is that it doesn’t have to be anything huge. Tiny little changes are enough to snap your brain back into focus. Remember, it’s all about engaging with the world around you. A slight shift in your routine is usually enough to re-engage the brain. Try simple things like taking a new route to work, or using a different phone greeting, or scheduling your morning tasks for the afternoon instead. Notice how these small changes make you feel more alert and present.

2. Follow a Dream

We all have secret little daydreams we like to think about but never follow through on. It’s time to bite the bullet and just go for it. Start that new hobby you’ve always thought about (skydiving anyone?). Take that big trip you’ve been “planning” since childhood. There’s no better time to confront your fear and accomplish something you’ve always dreamed of. It might be scary at first, but I promise you it won’t last long. And the feeling of pure bliss and pride that comes once you’ve done it will last the rest of your life.

3. Choose “Right” Over “Easy”

When you make this choice, you’ll never regret your actions. Do the things you know you should do but don’t want to. Sure, it’ll be hard to get started. But once you do—more often than not—you’ll realize that it’s not as bad as you thought it would be. So grab your workout gear and head over to the gym. Agree to go to that upcoming networking event. Pick up the phone and call your mother for goodness sake! This is the kind of discomfort that indicates progress. Remember that the “right” thing to do isn’t always the “easy” thing.

4. Fall in Love Again

If you want to experience the sheer joy of pushing yourself out of your comfort zone, you’ll take me up on this suggestion. Nothing makes you feel more alive than rediscovering something you once loved. Maybe you used to go dancing with your ex but gave it up when you split. Get back in the ballroom! What activities did you love as a kid? Perhaps you should tap into that childlike enthusiasm and pick up painting or soccer or tickling. If you used to love it, chances are you still will. It might feel awkward at first but then, you’ll fall right back into it just like riding a bike. In fact, maybe a bike ride is exactly what you need to push past your current comfort zone.

Comfortable situations don’t inspire growth; they encourage complacency. Whether you’re looking at your job, your relationship or your physical state of being, when you slip into comfortable territory, you’ll inevitably stagnate. So venture out of your comfort zone now and again, and rediscover how good discomfort can feel.

Chrissy Scivicque is a writer, nutritionist and career coach. You can find her at EatYourCareer.com, a blog dedicated to helping you create a nourishing professional life.

photo courtesy of Simon Hucko

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Don’t Read This If You Want to Be a Better Blogger

There’s a senseless amount of content centered around being a better blogger. But does any of it really make you a better blogger?

Blogging about blogging. It has its place, but if that’s all everyone does it can get kind of redundant.

So no, this is not a post about how to blog. Don’t read this if you’re anticipating an article titled “67 Ways to be a Better Blogger.”

What I’d like to talk about is something completely different. It’s about having a reason to blog in the first place. And I think now and again we lose sight of that.

Whatever you blog about, it has a purpose. At least a good blog does, and I’m sure if you read Copyblogger you’re smart enough to know that. So what I want to talk about now is purpose.

The purpose of a blog is to share value, to create community, and to inspire. The way we do that isn’t by sitting at the computer for 8+ hours a day trying to think of better ways to blog. It’s also not about finding ways to blog better, smarter, or faster.

It’s about doing something that matters.

When you go out and do remarkable things, it’s easy to create a compelling blog. When you demonstrate your experience by the life you lead and the actions you take, it’s easy to establish authority. When you deliberately pursue experiences that will challenge you, it’s easy to provide value by sharing your story.

I’m a big believer in blogging and social media. But if all we talk about is how to use Twitter more effectively or write catchier headlines, we’ve kind of lost the point. You can only write so much about the finer points and techniques of the game. At some point, you have to go out there and play it.

So here’s what I propose…

Go out and do something awesome. Then share your story.

Here are some ideas:

  • Conduct your own personal experiment. Document it by video and post the results on your blog. How it helps: You establish trust by showing people you are actually doing what you talk about.
  • Create a series of case studies of successful people in your niche. But don’t just interview them. Have them mentor you through the process step-by-step. How would they guide you if you were completely new to the topic? How it helps: You build relationships with other influencers and provide your readers with tons of value in the process.
  • What are the myths or misconceptions in your practice? Go out and test them, and tell your readers what you find out. How it helps: You build curiosity and gain readership by answering their often thought about questions.
  • Conduct a personal challenge that seems ridiculous or impossible. Update people regularly on your progress. How it helps: You attract followers by doing something epic and establish authority by positioning yourself as a leader.
  • Help a novice related to your field completely transform. Document their transformation and use it to inspire others. Create a contest to decide who is chosen for the best transformation. How it helps: You build social proof and get others interested in your offerings.

There are a lot of other possibilities to make our blogs compelling. We can diverge and connect with people we wouldn’t normally connect with. If you teach Aikido, study Tai Chi for a while and tell people what you find out. If you’re a chef, go out and visit some organic farms and get a better appreciation for the earth food is grown in. There are a lot of possibilities when you exercise your imagination.

The real key isn’t just to do off-beat things for the sake of it, but to engage in interesting pursuits to grow, create community, and share your story with others.

Here are some examples of people that are doing just that:

These are just a few people that have taken their passion and turned it into a tangible and compelling project.

Learning how to be a better marketer, better blogger, or better Twitter user only goes so far. Of course it’s important. Of course it can make a difference. But if you deliberately choose to pursue interesting paths, most of your marketing becomes automatic. Testing your potential, taking risks, and trailblazing is what will ultimately set you apart.

Trying to be a better blogger is sometimes a waste of time. The finer points might make you more efficient, but they only make a difference when you’re moving in a compelling direction.

A better headline won’t make up for your boring offer. Do something that matters, and let other people worry about whether or not you’re using the right WordPress plugins.

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Uncancel Your Dreams

Chances are, at some point you might have canceled your dreams. Someone probably told you that desires were wrong. You’re supposed to stomp out desire, have no preferences, and be unattached.

But then you probably got caught up in another loop: desiring not to desire. Which really sucks, because then you don’t just have these pesty desires to worry about, now you’ve got to worry about not desiring on top of that.

I’m going to guess that hasn’t worked for you very well if you’re still reading this.

You were born to desire

The nature of being human is to desire and to have all sorts of preferences, likes, and dislikes. Part of living is an exploration in moving through the contrast and discovering what those personal preferences and dreams are.

But somewhere along the way you were told that it’s not okay to be who you are; that what you are right now isn’t acceptable and that you need to become something. So that led you to think that your desires are wrong, or that they’re the cause of your suffering.

Desires are not the cause of suffering. Unfulfilled expectation causes suffering. And the problem now is that you automatically assume that your desires aren’t okay or won’t be fulfilled, and that’s why they cause you pain. There’s nothing worse than having a desire born within you and to automatically feel a response that it is not possible, or that you shouldn’t have it.

So that’s why you canceled your dreams.

That’s why you thought that maybe the way to happiness is to not have any preferences. To have no desire. To become kind of like an unphased stone-woman that is always content, no matter the circumstances.

Well, we already know that that probably isn’t working very well. Because you can’t stop having desires. You can’t change your own nature.

So, what if we could find a way to uncancel our dreams?

Give yourself permission to desire again

A long time ago, before you were told that desires were wrong, you followed all of your desires freely. It was then that you were joyful and undomesticated. You didn’t worry about whether or not your desires were right or wrong. Most of the time when you followed your desires and did what you wanted to do, you were happy and fulfilled. And even though sometimes you followed your desires and things didn’t turn out the way you had expected, you were okay with that. It didn’t make you think that what you thought was wrong, or that it wasn’t okay to do what you want. You just moved onto the next joyful exploration on your path.

It may have been a long time ago and difficult to remember, but if that’s the way things once were for you, then you know it’s possible for it to be that way again.

The problem is that your heart and mind have become divided. They used to work together to help you achieve your desires. But now the voice of practicality is drowning out the heart, and it can’t compete for your attention.

Realigning your heart and mind

You’re going to have to find a way to guide your heart back out of the dungeon it’s been put in, and reform its proper relationship with your mind.

I struggled with this problem for a lot of years. I thought it was better to stomp out desire, to cut the throat of desire. I made it my enemy and thought getting rid of it was the only way to find happiness.

After all, if I had no preference, anything could make me happy, right?

As you can guess, that didn’t work very well. I sacrificed my happiness for a long time before I found a way to reconnect my heart and mind.

When I started talking to other people about the way I created this reuniting, it became really apparent to me how many people out there were struggling with the same thing.

Last year, it led me to me to write Reclaim Your Dreams, so I could help people with this problem. The positive feedback I got from it was overwhelming, and I was thrilled to see how many people put into practice the counterintuitive advice I shared in it. By giving up, undomesticating themselves, and redefining the way they related to desire, people started reclaiming their dreams.

But some of my ideas about the most effective path to making this work changed in the past year and a half. So I’ve spent the past month revising, expanding, updating, and making this guide even more powerful than ever before.

So, now I want to offer it to you here. If you want to…

  • uncancel your dreams
  • start following a heart-centered path
  • and do something that makes you come alive

… then this is guide meant for you.

Here’s where you can get the new Reclaim Your Dreams.

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The Courage to Follow Your Dreams

Sometimes it can be a bit scary following your dreams. You’re not sure where the path will take you, or if you’ll fail. Or maybe you’re not sure if you’ll end up liking the passion you pursue later on.

You’ll probably also have to deal with people around you that aren’t very supportive. And you have to find a way to support yourself financially while you follow your passion.

All of this stuff can feel a bit overwhelming.

Last week I asked people if they would be interested in a teleclass / hangout session / Q&A call on this topic. I was a bit surprised by the amount of people that responded. It seems like a lot of people struggle to find the courage to follow their dreams.

So, I’d like to invite you to come hang out with me this Wednesday, so we can figure out a way to make this not a problem anymore. Sure, you still might be apprehensive about following your dreams after this call, but at least you’ll have the inspiration to take action anyway.

Teleclass details:

What: A free teleclass on How to Find the Courage to Follow Your Dreams
When: Wednesday, July 21st at 4pm PT, 7pmET
How long: About an hour.
Who: Myself and you
Why: So you can stop letting fear keep you from following your dreams

The first part of the call I’ll talk about some ways you can overcome this fear, and start living from a more empowered place. The second part of the call we’ll spend answering questions. You’ll be able to ask me anything about:

  • How to follow your passion even when you think it’s not practical
  • Dealing with critics and people that aren’t supportive of your dreams
  • Creating the environment that makes achieving your dreams easier
  • How to find the time to work toward your dreams
  • What it takes to make a living from your passion
  • And whatever else you want to ask me!

Sound good? Oh and even if you can’t make the call, sign up below and we’ll make sure to send you the recording.

Sign up for the free teleclass:

Look forward to seeing and hanging out with you on the call. It’s going to be a lot of fun.

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How to Overcome Limiting Beliefs

The beliefs you hold to be true make up the fabric of your experience. The stronger those beliefs, the more they seemunshakeable, and the more you will find evidence to support them.

What most people don’t realize is that the vast majority of our beliefs about the world are not really true “out there.” They are only true because we’ve decided they are, albeit we likely haven’t done so consciously.

Beliefs are formed through repeated thoughts, and the only reason they hold any weight is because you’ve decided or agreed that they are true.

There are a lot of collective limiting beliefs that you’ve probably agreed to:

  • Work must be a chore
  • Marriage turns you into a boring old person
  • Time is money
  • Once you’re an adult, life is about responsibilities, not fun
  • Dreams are not practical

And there are probably a lot of personally acquired limiting beliefs you’ve collected through your own unique experiences. Whatever the case, most beliefs are formed unconsciously, without our knowing about it. We didn’t necessarily decide to agree to these beliefs because we wanted to.

It’s not like one day we woke up and thought “Man, you know what would be awesome? To go out today and repeat a bunch of thoughts that are going to turn into hard and fast conclusions that will keep me from experiencing the life I want. Yeah, I think that’s what I’ll do today.”

That would obviously be ridiculous.

None of us want to keep these beliefs, but we either think:

  1. That’s just the way things are (everyone else agrees), or…
  2. It’s become such a part of my identity that it’s too hard to change now

In order to solve the first problem, we need to realize that what is often seen as “just the way things are” is, in reality, just a collective assumption. And because it’s an assumption, that means that we decided to agree to make that assumption as well, on some conscious or unconscious level.

In that case, we need to reclaim our power, and choose to stop agreeing. It can really be that simple.

When it comes to ingrained limiting beliefs, patterns, or habits, these can be a bit harder to change. Because we’re so used to them — and mostly because we identify with them — they hold a lot of weight in our experience. It can almost feel as if they’re immovable objects on our path.

Some common limiting beliefs are…

  • The feeling of not being enough
  • The feeling of not having enough
  • Having to work hard for money
  • Not deserving success
  • [insert your limiting belief here]

These things can seem daunting to try to change. And even when you do make a real, consistent effort, inertia is often just too hard to overcome.

Luckily, there are a few steps you can follow in order to make the shift to new, more empowering beliefs.

  1. Stop identifying with the belief. Most beliefs are so difficult to change because we identify with them. They seem to be ingrained as a part of who we are. And because we identify with them, we allow ourselves to be defined by them. If you think you’re not creative, you’ll see yourself as someone who just wasn’t born with that ability. If you think you’re bad with getting things to work, you might think you’re just not a mechanical person. It’s easy to get caught up in allowing our beliefs to define us, but they don’t have to. So the first step is to stop identifying with or defining yourself based on what you believe.
  2. Kill your conclusions. Whatever you think you know to be certain is probably a lot more flexible than you think. What you think to be required is certain to be much more negotiable. Question all of the conclusions you have about what you think to be true, fixed or possible.
  3. Test your assumptions. Without pushing the boundary and testing your assumptions, it’s impossible to move past your limiting beliefs. You need to do something to break the pattern of your limiting belief. Questioning is the first step, but if you only do that, the possibilities of moving to a more empowering perspective stay in your head. Some type of action must be taken that puts your conclusions to the test. Just make sure that you’re not staying in the limited head-space that leads you to reinforce what you already hold to be true. Suspend your judgment and take some kind of action to test your assumptions.

It might seem simple, but these are the basic steps to moving past any limiting belief.

They’re only part of it, though. In order to really integrate a new, more empowering belief, you’ll need to spend time cultivating it. And it can help to go through a structured process to dissolve the limit.

I’ve developed a technique that helps you rip a hole in the fabric of your limiting beliefs so you can begin unraveling the limit. Once it has dissolved, you can transform it into a powerful, self-enhancing belief.

You can download this free tool to help you overcome your limiting beliefs here.

It’s called The Limit Erasing Technique. Magic wand not included. :)

If you think you could use some help moving past a belief that’s been keeping you from getting the results you want, then this will definitely help.

It’s time to say goodbye. Go here if you want to break your limits.

photo courtesy of Michael Sarver

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