Not all that claims to be growth is real growth.
Much of what masquerades as growth is a narcissistic pursuit in a shrewd disguise.
What I’ve come to realize is that much of the time, when I think I’ve been growing, I haven’t really been growing. I’ve been trying to fix or improve myself.
The line between authentic growth on the one hand, and fake growth on the other, is an obscured landscape. Sometimes I think that I’m growing, and I really believe wholeheartedly that I am. Then I notice an undercurrent of duplicity, and when I dig deeper, I find that what was perpetrating as an authentic endeavor was really not. I wasn’t starting from a place of wholeness and expanding from there. I was trying to cure an invisible illness: my perceived inadequacy.
That inadequacy is a myth driven by the ego, and has nothing to do with real growth.
We’re already whole. Already complete. You don’t need to prove that to yourself by chasing hollow achievements. Real growth has nothing to do with fixing anything. It’s about expanding what already is.
Real growth has nothing to do with…
- Improvement (although you may inadvertently improve things, you don’t start from a place of trying to improve).
- Solely ego-based pursuits.
- Being more popular.
- Adding things to your resume, or your list of accomplishments.
- Inflating your self of entitlement.
- “Shoulds.”
- Making more money (though it might have something to do with creating more value).
- Competition.
On the other hand, fake growth is all about…
- A never-ending quest for [fleeting] fulfillment.
- Chasing empty pursuits.
- Doing new things for the “experience.”
- Changing for the sake of changing.
- Counting and measuring everything.
- Temporarily boosting your self-esteem.
- The future.
(On a side note: fake growth and “good ideas” seem to have a lot to do with each other.)
It’s a tricky business. You can think you’ve pulled all the weeds of in-authenticity and the next thing you know, you’re realizing you’re doing something for the sake of “growth” that doesn’t really matter. The prolificacy of fake growth often hides in hard-to-find corners of your mind. It often arrives in unassuming forms.
I’ve seen this happen too many time with myself.
- I’m trying to create a new habit (like early rising) because it’s a “rite of passage” for personal growth. But I don’t really care about it.
- I’m reading a book and I realize that I don’t give a shit about it. I bought it because I thought it would a good idea for me to learn about X topic.
- I’m pushing myself to learn something that I’m not really passionate about — like a new language for instance — because it’s a socially prestigious pursuit.
- I’m listening to music that I can’t stand to “expand my horizons.”
- I’m pursuing a business opportunity because I think it’s a good idea, and I later realize I’m not really passionate about it.
And the list goes on.
All of this stuff sounds pretty ridiculous when it’s laid out there. And when you think about it in hindsight, it is. But it tends to be much trickier than that when you’re up close and in the trenches.
The prolificacy of comfort
The other problem I’ve found is that often you think you’re really growing, but you’re just lying to yourself. Some part of you is comfortable. You’ve developed a nice little pattern that cushions you and keeps you safe.
So you rebel against the pattern a little, and you take a little bit of risk. This makes you feel good and you tell yourself you’re growing.
But you know that real growth would be much more uncomfortable. It would kill the pattern, and in its place would be an expansion of possibility.
Then there’s the fake growth addict
You know that part of you that wants to always reach the “next level”? That’s the fake growth addict.
Real growth isn’t about reaching another level. It’s not about constantly seeking something outside yourself. Real growth is about internal transformation. It’s about the realization that you are already whole. You are already complete. You are already more powerful than you can dare to imagine.
Real growth is about embracing that power and doing it fearlessly.
Fake growth consists of constantly chasing another bullet point to put on your life resume. Another higher data point on a never ending graph. Another fake credential you can spew off to an unimportant stranger at an unimportant party. Another merit badge that you tell yourself will really make you feel “accomplished.” Then you can finally cash in on your growth and be satisfied.
But you never do get satisfied, do you? The number one sign of fake growth is: constinual seeking.
The hidden secret of real growth: it doesn’t matter that much to itself
The truth about real growth is that real growth doesn’t need validation. It doesn’t need for you to approve or disapprove. It doesn’t need a stamp of validation or a letter of recommendation. It doesn’t need to be sanctioned by a regulated list of socially approved goals.
And here’s something else… Real growth doesn’t care that YOU call it growth.
It has no ego. It has no internal or external validation system.
That’s because real growth is beyond growth.
Real growth is about…
- Experiencing a greater intimacy with life and a deeper passion for it.
- A new level of understanding; moving past a plateau.
- Liberation, not confinement.
- Fluidity, intuition, organicness, naturalness.
- The present moment.
- Starting from a place of wholeness.
- Accepting the reality of the situation as-it-is.
- Healing.
- Not being overly positive (denial) or overly negative (nihilistic).
- Real life, including all the warts, imperfections, blemishes, and scars.
- Accepting the things you don’t like; and upon realizing that you want to change them, facing them head on.
- Not simply swallowing a “think positive” placebo (denial).
- Community. Growth does not happen in a vacuum. It is supported by those around you, and your growth has a positive impact on your immediate circle, your community, and the world.
Fake growth leads to tumors. Real growth often does not notice it’s there. It’s integrated. It gets out of the way of itself. It doesn’t try to count and measure how fast or slow it is growing.
Real growth accepts that sometimes it’s not necessary
Too much growth leads to suffocation, bursted bubbles, and overpopulation. Radical, never-ending growth is not sustainable.
Real growth knows that sometimes it’s time to stop growing. Sometimes it’s time to let go, to move on, and yes, to decline. Growth and decline are two sides of the same pole. Without one, the other can’t exist.
In the end, real growth knows that it doesn’t really matter. It’s not just about rising vertically, or expanding horizontally. Real growth knows that what goes up, must come down, and what expands, must contract.
True growth often leads to stillness. And sometimes the most formidable growth… is none at all.
Beautiful, Jonathan! This is my favorite post of yours by far. I think the key about real growth is what you touched on at the end… it’s not all about you; it’s about community. I love the way you laid this out.
:)
Great post, Jonathan. It’s very similar to discussions of the idea of Doing Epic Shit. Too many get caught up Doing (Fake) Epic Shit, and too few honor the Real Epic Shit that they’re doing because they think it’s too small.
I worry that too many people get caught on the train of radical “growth” and never take the time to integrate their experiences, achievements, and failures. That’s not growing – it’s just moving.
But saying more would be me preaching to the choir, no? Keep rocking, my friend.
Geez you’re good! “Experiencing a greater intimacy with life and a deeper passion for it.” – exactly what growth is, and what I want my life to be about.
Thanks for this, Jonathan. Tweeting it now…
A very interesting read! Has me questioning which ‘growth’ I’m going through!
One point that stuck with me was about fake growth: doing things for the experience. Let’s use overseas travel as an example, from this would stem a new level of understanding, liberation and real life.
I’m really hearing what you say about it being a fine line..?
“We’re already whole. Already complete.”
That could be a blog post in itself. Just that quote.
Great post, ultimately there is no growing to do. Only allowing the core of what we are to outshine the ego.
Nice little article here with lots to think about. I can certainly relate to reading books, listening to music etc that you really don’t care about because you think you ought to. It sounds as if you found out the hard way that you shoudn’t force yourself to do things that other people like.
I’ve done this with TV shows that everyone watches and then discusses. Feeling left out of the conversation I’ve watched them so I can join in, then discovered I still have nothing interesting to contribute to the discussion anyway. Much better to change the topic to something which you do feel passionate about or find some other misfits who don’t watch popular TV shows either and hang out with them:)
And as for personal growth. I really think that you can’t force it. It will come or, if you aren’t aware of the need for growth, it won’t.
And anyway, is there such a thing as too much growth? When do you start to become a know it all who’s totally sorted and that no one can relate to any more. It’s our foibles and quirks that make us interesting.
I’m trying to adopt a “if you don’t like that about me lump it” policy. As long as I like myself that’s the most important thing. I’m never going to the the Dalai Lama so why disappoint myself by trying to be. I’ve just got to aim to be the best me I can be about 90% of the time and not worry about the rest or the time or what other people think.
Sounds like you are doing a wonderful job with your life. Stop forcing it and enjoy:)
Quite possibly the post of the year. Wow man. Really resonated with me.
There have been times in my 57 years when I have felt …ah Ive reached contentment …Im there…not always financially …but sometimes….that ever present…. wanting to be more is my guiding light …not saying its a good thing..just saying…
thank you for this, jonathan!
i’ve had a lot of similar thoughts to this lately. your terminology is interesting, though; i never thought to call it ‘growth’ to simply accept what is. and yet, coming out of a place of not accepting what is, i suppose it is a sort of growth, and like you point out, it’s probably the most important kind of growth.
still i feel like something is not connecting 100% here for me. Either the ideas aren’t fully formed and solidified in your own philosophy, and therefore it’s a little unclear when you try to share them– OR i’m not yet fully to the place where i can completely grasp them.
warmly,steve
This is a truly revolutionary post.
There have been times when I’ve noticed “fake growth” in my own life. It’s a very slippery thing and it always tricks you into thinking it is authentic. It is a constant battle to keep your ego in check and determine your motives behind each new project and goal.
Again, thank you for this excellent post
Jonathan, I loves how you summed up this post.
Sometimes stillness and letting go allows you just to be who you really are…your authentic self.
My motto is don’t try hard, try easy…grow and go with the flow.
A tree doesn’ t try to hard to grow fast… it just naturally organically grows.
Good stuff Jonathan, Keep pouring out…
+1! On everything. :)
I love this post, very insightful, well written and without any B.S.
YES! A lovely, if scary, aspect of growing up is learning that self-improvement is something to be left behind. It’s hard to talk about this stage of development and you did an excellent job!
Maybe we are lying to ourselves – but then, maybe noticing the difference between the two is an integral part of real growth and cannot be avoided so easily.
Many people will never think about the difference or pay attention to it. But if they do, they´ll probably do it in retrospective – as in hindsight you often get more clarity about what you did, and only then are able to draw your conclusions. Thus, fake growth may be a necessary evil to identify by us, so we can then correct our course, rest at heart and truly trust ourselves.
So many times we mistake the fake for the real and it is because we are not centered within and we seek false validation.
This brought to my mind many of the times that I have been after fake growth.
Thank you
Hi Jonathan, I’ve been reading you for a long time now, since you had the other blog design, since before you were featured on zenhabits. I don’t remember how I found you (google somehow, I think, but I really don’t remember).
I have to say that this is now my favorite post by far. You’ve really captured something so true here, and you’ve done it really eloquently, in a way that’s easy to understand.
It’s inspired, deep yet simply put, and rings of truth. It’s one of those posts that I’ll remember for a long time, a real keeper. Thank you for writing and sharing it.
Cheers,
Miche
Wow. This is a truly outstanding piece of writing. It’s so true on so many different levels that it’s amazing you actually managed to think it out and put it together. Thank you, Jonathan…. Really thought provoking.
Zainab
A very good piece Jonathan, and one that resonates strongly with me. When you are post kids, post career, like me, you have the advantage of being able to reflect on life’s lessons, rather than reacting to them. It is easier to see the subtle illusion of ‘growth’. When I was surrounded by the kids/career/bigger/better community of similar minded people it was easy to get swept along.
I’m still find that it is easy to slip into the ways of ‘false growth’. Much of the language in the media and the ideas of personal development have built in implications about the nature of growth. As an example, even one of your bullet points -’ A new level of understanding; moving past a plateau’ – could be read to imply growth for the sake of itself if your brain is already primed to think bigger/better is good.
I’ve no easy solution for this, our language is structured around certain concepts and it is difficult to think in other ways without new ideas and new words. Something I am toying with is to describe your ‘real growth’ as ‘unfolding’. ‘Unfolding’ as in the petals of a flower. I hope such a word implies the natural expansion of what already exists, and also implies the final withering and dying.
Is there an end to seeking?
For me the litmus test for self development versus growth is to consider if my reason is internal or external. If I were to achieve this goal and no one knew would it still hold meaning to me, would I fundamentally feel different about myself. When we allow self developement to become tainted by the ego, we quickly becomes slaves to a new master.
Jonathan:
I love this post, probably because it agrees with my strong-held belief that there is no such thing as “self-improvement.” The idea of “personal development” is almost completely a misguided effort.
The “self” is already “complete” as you say.
There is no such thing as self-improvement — there are only degrees of self-discovery. Something that is already in its highest form cannot be “improved.”
One’s only task to “improve,” therefore, is to discover one’s self and do a better job of acting from core values — as the authentic self.
Thanks, as always, for provoking thought. Keep up the good work…
Kent @ The Financial Philosopher
Love this post. You nailed it. So much of our energy is spent trying to fix ourselves, and we never really do. Much of the focus of my new book (The Leap) is that you should rather try to find your way to a job that leverages your strengths and passions every day. I even created a free tool to help do that (at primarycolorassessment.com).
you do grow by moving forward, successful or not. But grow toward a job that is meant for you!
Rick Smith
The Leap
I’ve noticed myself getting caught up in this so many times too!
Lately I’ve been learning new forms of “real” growth, mainly by focusing on being in the moment. I used to think being in the moment was a little kooky, but then again, I’m a kooky kinda gal. I think I really didn’t understand how to actually do it. Now that I’ve experienced it, it’s totally transformed the way I live and work.
Love the distinctions you made in this post.
this is like what Eckhart Tolle discussed in the Power of Now. makes sense. :) we’re enough, we just need to see that.
“Real growth is about embracing that power and doing it fearlessly.” This entire post is beautiful, especially how you reference resumes and adding bullet points to it. I use to feel this way at one point of time, especially with my education. After a Bachelor’s, I wanted to go back for my MBA. Not only did I do that, I thought I would grow even more by graduating with a 4.0 in the graduate program. Now, here I am, unemployed. Growth is certainly not about the achievements, but about accepting life for what it is. THANKS!!!
This is one of the truest things I’ve ever read on the internet.
It’s so easy to try to ‘grow’ and then beat yourself up because you haven’t ‘grown’ enough!
I’m going to print this out to remind myself not to do exactly that.
Thank you.
Excellent point here. It’s important to realize the difference between accomplishing goals and the statistics that show “growth” or “development.”
If we aren’t working towards something of value, increased numbers and statistics don’t mean a thing.
Hey Jonathan,
Real growth comes with a reason. One that makes sense and is important to you. Inauthentic growth is the chasing of status.
Take your example of early rising. For some, it’s some supposed “rite of passage” you mentioned. Inauthentic, since they don’t really care about it. It’s not important – they just think it’ll make them look better in front of others.
For me, I’m getting up earlier every day not to impress anyone or delude myself into some “ideal” version of myself. I simply love starting the day with the sun. Waking up to a sunrise feels great for me. I love it, and it energizes me. Hence, it’s important… and that’s why I do it.
Early rising becomes growth for me because of what you said: I’m already a complete whole, and starting the day with the sunrise expands and makes me even better. I’m not trying to fix something.
It’s the same thing with musicians. If you make music because you LOVE it, then you’ve already won. Creating tunes is “making it.” However, for others it becomes career accolades. They’ve only “made it” if they’re recognized by others via awards, sales, status, etc.
So accept and enjoy who you are. Grow by expanding what is already important to you, not trying to “fix” something that might not need fixing anyway – live for yourself, not for impressing others.
Great thought-provoking article as always Jonathan,
Oleg
Wow. Best. Post. Ever. Thank you for putting words to this phenomenon. It couldn’t have come at a better time.
Right on. This post reminds me much of what is articulated in Dan Millman’s book, ‘Way of the Peaceful Warrior.’ (I love spreading the word about books I love and this is one of those. Read it if you haven’t). And also, as stated above, a lot of the teachings that Eckhart Tolle preaches resonate through this post.
Some may think it’s new age mumbo-jumbo, but both of these people capture the essence of growth and enlightenment and so do you Jonathan. As you say, ‘we are already whole.’ Any deviation from this is purely ego-driven. Striving for money, fame, new skills that don’t resonate with you, etc. are all ego based activities that lead us away from our true wholeness, which lies in the present moment not some ‘future’ point.
It took me awhile to process this post. At first, I was thinking, “Damn, this guy’s an idiot. What the hell is real growth supposed to be if just about everything is ‘fake growth’?” But then I realized the beauty of it all when the puzzle piece (your post) finally clicked into my reality: “fake growth”, as you put it, is egoic growth, and “real growth” is allowing your core self come out in a blaze of glory and passion. That’s what life is all about, and I think that’s what people lose when they go through all this productivity garbage – the focus is on how efficient they are rather than how much enjoyment there is in the task.
Your comment on “counting and measuring everything” as a form of fake growth hit me kind of hard since I record my goals on a whiteboard mounted on my bedroom wall. They’re all quantifiable. However, I don’t think it’s fake growth as long as we don’t have goals for goals’ sake and DO THINGS FOR OUR PASSION. If we recognize that our goals are in place for a reason, whether it’s increased freedom or enjoyment from life, better living, and so on. For example, I have a goal to read 250 pages per week. Is it because it’s a “good idea” to read more so I’ll be enlightened? No. It’s because I love reading good books and by scheduling reading time for myself, I ensure I get satisfaction and enjoyment out of life. Same thing for having a quota on blog posts per week: I do it because I love writing and my writing skills can always get better.
Just the sheer fact that your post produced so much thought in me makes it a winner. Excellent job, Jonathan.
Thanks for this. One way I have of putting something similar is that: health is a kind of self-forgetfulness.
One quibble: I’m not sure that we kill the patterns, I think that we understand, include and transcend them. But this might be just small minded carping.
thanks for a really great post.
For years I tried to set goals for things that I thought I wanted but really didn’t. Oh how that cost me. Now that I’ve learned to identify what really makes me happy, most of it has nothing to do with the goals I’ve let go. I like this, thanks for the reminder.
This is my first time visiting your site and I absolutely loved the post. I couldn’t agree with you more about the differences between real growth and what the ego leads us to seek as growth. Great work!
There are always going to be people that lie to themselves. Most people know that they lie to themselves. Although, I do agree with the concept of fake growth and what you are trying to convey through it.
Yet, I am not sure how much of it is necessary. Labels do not mean much by themselves. People are savvy enough to see through BS and through fake growth.
Human beings are great at detecting in congruences in others. That is why I do not think that fake growth is a mistake. It is not. People who are interested in actual self-development will not make that mistake.
People who are interested in self development and growth for various other reasons will make that “mistake”. Yet, we all learn from mistakes. A mistake is just a hidden opportunity. Let people make their mistakes, it is not up to us judge them.
It is up to each individual person to decide what growth means to them and if they feel like they are growing from whatever they are doing, let them be. Judgment will not help them grow.
Interesting article, yet, I do not agree with the message as each of us is our own individual selves and nobody should tell us what growth really means.
Best,
Tomas
So great I found this article BEFORE going over my head with fake growth. Well done, sir.
Alex
Resembles many things that one can learn from Buddhism: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Budhism
What a great way to look at things. This article made me realize that I need to sit down and make a list of what things I need to stop pursuing and what things I’m passionate about because of who I am.
I love that line
“Real growth has nothing to do with fixing anything. It’s about expanding what already is.”
thats an easy thing to forget.
The previous comments already said it .. great post! I especially like it because you managed to get the point across without preaching. Perhaps that’s because you reveal your own vulnerability in the pursuit of growth .. and how often it’s not really about growth at all.
‘Healing’ is on your list of real growth. I was pondering this over the last days and wondering if it’s really growth. Maybe I’m just being picky (not for the first time!) but I see healing as about the past, about moving on from previous painful experiences. I don’t deny that it may be important to heal before growth can take place – but is it, in itself, real growth? The reason I’m picking this up is because I see many people getting stuck in the past and spending vast amounts of energy (and money) healing the past and turning to ‘healers’ to help them – rather than focusing on the present and the future, which is where, I beleive, real growth happens.
Would love to hear you thoughts on this.
Ian
I think after being blogging for nearly 2 years (for me), I’ve kinda didn’t really revealed much about myself to anyone. I didn’t want to make it like a sounding cymbals and adding to the noise in the self-development and growth arena.
This being a post that’s personal to you (as you’ve mentioned in Twitter :-) ) and that you mentioned that Growth is about healing and accepting things as it is., I’ve decided to write out from the heart a rather important and personal post, by revealing an undiluted version of my story in my blog — it had been years in the making.
Thanks again Jon for creating an awesome article. :)
So many great comments, there isn’t much more I can say that hasn’t already been said. But, I will say this: Jonathan, this is fantastic and certainly makes you think. I’ve never been one to get swept up in the tides of self-help book revolutions/fads or one to really discuss the changes I see in my life; however, I can still see phases of my life where I wasn’t really growing, it was all pretty superficial. Then, upon reflection, it seems that my periods of greatest “real” growth occurred when I wasn’t seeking it, when I wasn’t really trying, often without even realizing. All of your thoughts and bullet points really make you see those patterns. Thank you.
A wonderful analysis. True. Most of the times, we try to cheat ourselves or rather cheat ourselves. At the end of the day, before we go to bed, we look ourselves in the mirror, with no make ups. The bare skin on our face. We know what we look like. That’s reality. But still when the morning dawns, we get back to put on our false coatings and walk on our streets as beauty peagents. We are cheating ourselves in many ways as you rightly said, just to satisfy our ego.
This excellent post has resonated strongly with my situation and it has answered one question I’ve been asking for a while.
I am a survivor of sexual abuses in my childhood and teenage years. Therapy sessions have helped me to heal, untangle some issues and be kinder to myself. For me, that’s an improvement.
However, there is one question that bothers me… that is “How have those events improved myself and my life?”
For a while i’ve been annoyed with the saying “everything happens for a reason.” I believe that this doesn’t apply to my past abuses. There’s nothing good has come out of it and i don’t believe i have become a “better” person because of it. I used to have this thought that past abuse will inspire me to help others with similar issues. But how could i help others if i have not helped myself?
Now i realise that it was just my desperate effort to put those events in the context of my life through an “overly positive” perspective which, of course, ended up in self-denial.
We live in a super-achieving society and I’ve been swimming in the stream of achievements. While it’s neither good or bad in itself, it’s easy to get carried away.
Your post has made me think that i don’t have to be a “better” person (or worse, for that matter) because of that. It does not set the theme of my life and it does not set the direction of my future.
As you said, it is part of me and I’m learning to accept the situation as-it-is. Embracing abusive past is not easy and i think it will take a while for me to be fully there. However, i am at peace knowing that i’m moving in the right direction.
Many thanks, Jonathan.
“Anything in any way beautiful derives its beauty from itself and asks nothing beyond itself. Praise is no part of it, for nothing is made worse or better by praise.” – Marcus Aurelius
As you have illustrated, real growth is beautiful
Well stated.
Reminds me of my favorite novel, Siddhartha.
I am new to your blog and haven’t read you before, but i really enjoyed this one. Thanks!
What I was wondering is how or when is the best way to achieve real growth according to you? We have this blog about long term travelling and we have come to the conclusion that going away for a longer period of time, uprooting oneself from the every day musts is an ideal way of creating just growth. Real growth i believe.
Coming back from a long journey you have turned into your new self without really thinking about it. You have spent a lot of time living in the now and away from the everyday stress. A lot of people have grown and are unwilling to go back to the their old lifestyle once they have found their new self and a new kind of freedom.
It would be amazing to hear your opinion on this. Thanks
Magnus
This is awesome. I think it’s easy for someone who just starts reading about personal development to get swept up and lose perspective. It’s good to know that there are grounded people offering advice from such a broad view.
Just… Wow! Very well written.
Your best article to date. This is one of the best things I’ve read on any personal development blog in a long time. Bravo!
Jonathan, this is really good! I am stunned.
You put into words a lot of the things I’m struggling with right at this moment.
That line between fake and real is so subtle. You really have to listen to hear that little voice that says “no, this isn’t really what you want, it’s just an empty goal, you are bigger than this”. And listening to it and embracing to what it means – to be infinite – as you write about, is really, really scary.
I’ve been following your blog on and off for the last several months and I realize now I should have done it earlier. But later is better than never. I downloaded your ebook and I’m working my way through it and think you have got some really amazing insights and I’m reworking my entire strategy of my blog and my blogging efforts. I’m glad to have your work as a resource. This article really hits something that I haven’t thought about. I’ve been focused on internal change in order to see external gains, rather than to truly experience what you describe as real growth.
“We’re already whole. Already complete. You don’t need to prove that to yourself by chasing hollow achievements. Real growth has nothing to do with fixing anything. It’s about expanding what already is.”
yeah dude, you’re right there. we see only the past everywhere we go, look at or think. everything is perfect in every moment.all we have to do is our best because we appreciate what we are and everything around us. cheers to you.
“But you know that real growth would be much more uncomfortable. It would kill the pattern, and in its place would be an expansion of possibility.”
sometimes it takes a lot of time to break a pattern, weeks even months and sometimes it happens in an instant. don’t know why, it happens by its self.
“Fake growth consists of constantly chasing another bullet point to put on your life resume. Another higher data point on a never ending graph.”
you’re right here jonathan, one thing keeps flashing in my mind, the fact that we love doing that and unless we are conscious of it we keep going on and on to the end.
“Experiencing a greater intimacy with life and a deeper passion for it.”
I really love this one :-)
real growth is context not content.
wish you and everyone peace and love
The best line of this is: “Real growth is about internal transformation.”
I couldn’t agree more with that.
What’s interesting about goals is that very often people realize that what they currently posses (within their being) is the opposite of their goals. Which might be why they haven’t made any progress towards that goal. And so sometimes having the goal is the problem, as they are fine as they are. Usually this is when the goals are not their own, and are someone’s intruded reality (such as their parent’s goals for them, expectations from others, etc.)
Positive thinking doesn’t always work. Negative thoughts just keep looping around in our heads sometimes. While acceptance of those thoughts is a good first step, the next step is to find out the message or those thoughts are signaling to the person’s system. Thoughts, feelings, emotions are just signals from one aspect of your self to another aspect of your self. And until you truly listen to them, and hear their message (which is much deeper than the surface thought/feeling) they will forever repeat themselves. No amount of positive thinking will work. Thoughts and feelings will continue to repeat themselves until they serve their purpose and cease to be, just like everything else in this world.
I would urge anyone and everyone to explore their thoughts intimately, take a look at them, examine them, find out what they are telling you, write them down, take a look at them, and then take a look at them again.
What is their message?
Travis-
http://www.twitter.com/TravisTasset
@Travis: Great insights. Following what are thoughts are really telling us can be a tough thing to do. We are so conditioned to seek safety and often following everything our thoughts tell us goes completely against that.
Beautiful post. I’d echo again that yes, it’s very easy to think that you’re growing only to discover that it’s fake growth. Each new discovery is a lesson learned though.
I think this is one of your best posts ever, and you have many great ones.
I think our real personal growth blossoms when we stop thinking about ourselves and reach out to others.
thoughts are stupid, I can’t control them. I really feel bad for the ego. It’s so stupid that if when I get up in the morning and I ask myself what’s my name it can’t remember. :lol:
really guys, try asking yourself what’s your name in when you wake up or ask for someone to wake you while you’re sleeping. You’re gonna say :”Aaahhhh…. let’s see…” :lol:
Stillness rocks. It is rarely achieved. It is the highest goal. Peace of mind is the highest value.
Powerful.
Thank you for this post. Truly inspiring and moving. I love the bold point on community – creating support from those around me and giving of myself to those around me.
I also really love the last sentence speaking of stillness. I am whole and complete. I will practice reminding myself of this and saying this to myself. I hope others who read this really get that they too are whole and complete. :)
Thank you.
Stellar post. I’ve succumbed to being a fake growth many times…these topics you bring up here are really key. They are above the constant and often time over analyzed thoughts on improvement. We all need to get better at times, but more often than not, we just need to experience life.
Loved this post – for whatever reason it really resonated with me this morning. Working in the field of self-development and life coaching, I often find myself getting irritated with what I describe as the ‘woo woo’ that can get regurgitated in this world. Your post is just such a refreshing change from that, and just cuts through the bs. I especially identify with your point that ‘real growth has nothing to do with fixing anything. It’s about expanding what already is rather than chasing hollow achievements’. As you say, it’s about internal transformation – and definitely not about all the ‘shoulds’ that can cause people to live any life but their own.
There’s something in all of this about being comfortable in one’s own skin – yet always retaining that ability to be curious.
Really excellent post, enjoyed.
All the best
Tamsin@nudgeme
Jonathan, this article made my heart pound while reading it. Seriously. How do you do that? I can’t even figure out how to do it.
Anyway, there is most definitely a line there between believing that you are moving toward growth and actually just flopping around barfing out the same old crap to yourself about moving in the right direction. It seems as though you’ve found where that line has been drawn for yourself.
Also, I would like you right now, to copyright the word you either (a) purposefully hid or (b) inadvertently made up in the post: constinual. It combines constant and continual into a word that just drives the point home in my opinion. I am not kidding here.
Jonathan
Nice work on the article! Your absolutely right when you said that there is a difference between fake growth and real growth. The key it to know that you already are everything that you need to be and expand and grow into that. Once you realize that your quest for life transformation has been completely self centered and like you said a quest to “Fix yourself” then the real transformation can begin to take place once to discover the underground programs that are really running the show. Thanks for the Great Article!
Randall Paul Pipes
Randall Paul Pipes is a life coach, trainer, author and speaker who specializes in helping people discover and develop life purpose. Visit his website at http://www.lifepurposetips.com.
I’m kind of iffy about this.
I like the idea of completeness. For example, if I am trying to be less gossipy and more sincere, it would be healthier to see it as allowing my sincerity to show through rather than to “change” myself into a sincere person. The sincerity is already there (I’m complete!); I agree there. But to achieve that end, I had to actively acknowledge the improvement I wanted to make and develop the habit of watching what I say and what I dwell on when thinking about people and myself.
Anyways, the issue I take is with “doing things for the experience”, which you call fake. I understand that seeing oneself as incomplete, seeking one experience after another to achieve perfection, is false. But there is little other explanation for the simply curious mind than that I’m doing it “for the experience.” And the rewards have been great.
I think the key to where I don’t follow your post is that passion can be developed. Knowledge and familiarity can be generate interest in a field that otherwise seemed dull.
To your music example, I trudged through a music history book, taking notes, making questions out of it, and quizzing myself until I knew it. It was pretty boring but the result was that I had a context to listen to music. For whatever reason, knowing that a piece is by a composer who I know something about makes it that much more enjoyable for me to listen to it. Checking out the next artist from the music library, going to concerts, operas- many doors have been opened and the original venture into music history, just to fill a gap in my ignorance, has certainly paid off. I’d like to say that my motivation was more legitimate or “passionate”, but it wasn’t more than “I don’t know anything about music, I should learn.” I am now excited at the thought of picking up a more thorough or specific book on music or its history- that excitement/passion was not there before.
So honest and true what a great article!
With some great pointers!
Honesty and truth is what is needed for self growth/development right?
Take a look a this website, it may of be some help to you;
http://www.neverstopstudying.com
Joe :)
I love your style. I just came across your blog and wow, you are right on with your posts. Thank you for being clear and direct – I love that style. I really love how you talk about the fake growth keeps someone looking for more. I’ve always believed that and you articulated this topic in a profound way. Thank you for giving me something very real to ponder.
Just wanted to say your article really has me thinking about fake growth. I hadn’t heard the term before, but I have kicked around the concept of ‘good enough is good enough’. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
I wanted to write about growth myself, and this here is a very solid guide. I wonder if you could describe a time when you were in ‘fake growth’ and compare it to the real growth experiences you’ve had: that would be really interesting!
Thanks for your writing, it’s inspiring. Particularly your points about real and false actualization. Thanks.
Hit the nail right on the head with this post.
This is something I like to think I’m aware of, but I still found myself in the exact same situation you described in the very first couple fo paragraphs.
Thank you.
Hey Jonathan,
are you ok with this? Because it seems someone copied your article, edited a few lines, and claims it is his.
http://www.310andrewfashion.com/2009/12/07/are-you-really-growing-or-in-denial/
Growth in my life is usually followed by evidence of that growth. Its more than just a good feeling or a positive mindset. It is really about the results.
When I think that I am really growing I think about when I was a kid. When I was young and I felt I grew taller, or if I thought I could jump higher than I did the previous day, I would always test my feeling. I’ve taken that mentality so that my personal development is focused on results not just what I think or feel.
Great post!
Jonathan, Very good post! I just started reading your site and subscribed. I had some ouch moments with this post on growth.
Here Here!
Tim
The word for this article is “beautiful” and is one of the few that has really touched home with inner questions that I have had but never realized anyone else had, never mind put into such eloquency.
Thank you. (I almost want to say “I love you”. ps – are you single? (lol here but really this was nice.)
Solid post Jonathan. After reading a few of your articles, I re-realized my interest in self-development and Buddhism and the ‘live in the moment’ mindset. I now realize there are distractions that will pull one away from enlightenment, and though the person feels like they are growing mentally, they may not be. You got yourself another subscriber. Cheers, and thanks
so so true for me what you say-i identify completely with what you write here. i found myself de-compressing when i went through this post. i am the fake growth addict you talk about and by putting this mirror in front of me the addict’s voice was forced to shut up for a moment..thank you for that:)
This is the most honest account of real growth I have read. For a long time, I have felt like I never measure up to definitions of growth that seem to relate to getting, giving and doing more stuff.
The word for this article is “beautiful” and is one of the few that has really touched home with inner questions that I have had but never realized anyone else had, never mind put into such eloquency.
Thank you. (I almost want to say “I love you”. ps – are you single? (lol here but really this was nice.)