Much of what masquerades as growth is a narcissistic pursuit in a shrewd disguise.

What I’ve come to realize is that much of the time, when I think I’ve been growing, I haven’t really been growing. I’ve been trying to fix or improve myself.

The line between authentic growth on the one hand, and fake growth on the other, is an obscured landscape. Sometimes I think that I’m growing, and I really believe wholeheartedly that I am. Then I notice an undercurrent of duplicity, and when I dig deeper, I find that what was perpetrating as an authentic endeavor was really not. I wasn’t starting from a place of wholeness and expanding from there. I was trying to cure an invisible illness: my perceived inadequacy.

That inadequacy is a myth driven by the ego, and has nothing to do with real growth.

We’re already whole. Already complete. You don’t need to prove that to yourself by chasing hollow achievements. Real growth has nothing to do with fixing anything. It’s about expanding what already is.

Real growth has nothing to do with…

• Improvement (although you may inadvertently improve things, you don’t start from a place of trying to improve).
• Solely ego-based pursuits.
• Being more popular.
• Adding things to your resume, or your list of accomplishments.
• Inflating your self of entitlement.
• “Shoulds.”
• Making more money (though it might have something to do with creating more value).
• Competition.

On the other hand, fake growth is all about…

• A never-ending quest for [fleeting] fulfillment.
• Chasing empty pursuits.
• Doing new things for the “experience.”
• Changing for the sake of changing.
• Counting and measuring everything.
• Temporarily boosting your self-esteem.
• The future.

(On a side note: fake growth and “good ideas” seem to have a lot to do with each other.)

It’s a tricky business. You can think you’ve pulled all the weeds of in-authenticity and the next thing you know, you’re realizing you’re doing something for the sake of “growth” that doesn’t really matter. The prolificacy of fake growth often hides in hard-to-find corners of your mind. It often arrives in unassuming forms.

I’ve seen this happen too many time with myself.

• I’m trying to create a new habit (like early rising) because it’s a “rite of passage” for personal growth. But I don’t really care about it.
• I’m reading a book and I realize that I don’t give a shit about it. I bought it because I thought it would a good idea for me to learn about X topic.
• I’m pushing myself to learn something that I’m not really passionate about — like a new language for instance — because it’s a socially prestigious pursuit.
• I’m listening to music that I can’t stand to “expand my horizons.”
• I’m pursuing a business opportunity because I think it’s a good idea, and I later realize I’m not really passionate about it.

And the list goes on.

All of this stuff sounds pretty ridiculous when it’s laid out there. And when you think about it in hindsight, it is. But it tends to be much trickier than that when you’re up close and in the trenches.

The prolificacy of comfort

The other problem I’ve found is that often you think you’re really growing, but you’re just lying to yourself. Some part of you is comfortable. You’ve developed a nice little pattern that cushions you and keeps you safe.

So you rebel against the pattern a little, and you take a little bit of risk. This makes you feel good and you tell yourself you’re growing.

But you know that real growth would be much more uncomfortable. It would kill the pattern, and in its place would be an expansion of possibility.

Then there’s the fake growth addict

You know that part of you that wants to always reach the “next level”? That’s the fake growth addict.

Real growth isn’t about reaching another level. It’s not about constantly seeking something outside yourself. Real growth is about internal transformation. It’s about the realization that you are already whole. You are already complete. You are already more powerful than you can dare to imagine.

Real growth is about embracing that power and doing it fearlessly.

Fake growth consists of constantly chasing another bullet point to put on your life resume. Another higher data point on a never ending graph. Another fake credential you can spew off to an unimportant stranger at an unimportant party. Another merit badge that you tell yourself will really make you feel “accomplished.” Then you can finally cash in on your growth and be satisfied.

But you never do get satisfied, do you? The number one sign of fake growth is: constinual seeking.

The hidden secret of real growth: it doesn’t matter that much to itself

The truth about real growth is that real growth doesn’t need validation. It doesn’t need for you to approve or disapprove. It doesn’t need a stamp of validation or a letter of recommendation. It doesn’t need to be sanctioned by a regulated list of socially approved goals.

And here’s something else… Real growth doesn’t care that YOU call it growth.

It has no ego. It has no internal or external validation system.

That’s because real growth is beyond growth.

Real growth is about…

• Experiencing a greater intimacy with life and a deeper passion for it.
• A new level of understanding; moving past a plateau.
• Liberation, not confinement.
• Fluidity, intuition, organicness, naturalness.
• The present moment.
• Starting from a place of wholeness.
• Accepting the reality of the situation as-it-is.
• Healing.
• Not being overly positive (denial) or overly negative (nihilistic).
• Real life, including all the warts, imperfections, blemishes, and scars.
• Accepting the things you don’t like; and upon realizing that you want to change them, facing them head on.
• Not simply swallowing a “think positive” placebo (denial).
• Community. Growth does not happen in a vacuum. It is supported by those around you, and your growth has a positive impact on your immediate circle, your community, and the world.

Fake growth leads to tumors. Real growth often does not notice it’s there. It’s integrated. It gets out of the way of itself. It doesn’t try to count and measure how fast or slow it is growing.

Real growth accepts that sometimes it’s not necessary

Too much growth leads to suffocation, bursted bubbles, and overpopulation. Radical, never-ending growth is not sustainable.

Real growth knows that sometimes it’s time to stop growing. Sometimes it’s time to let go, to move on, and yes, to decline. Growth and decline are two sides of the same pole. Without one, the other can’t exist.

In the end, real growth knows that it doesn’t really matter. It’s not just about rising vertically, or expanding horizontally. Real growth knows that what goes up, must come down, and what expands, must contract.

True growth often leads to stillness. And sometimes the most formidable growth… is none at all.

On the other hand, everyone talks about the beauty of open-source conversation within the social web. Everyone contributes, everyone can chime in. Everyone pretends that no one really owns anything. “We’re all in this together” is the mantra of those who own branded spaces online.

For a long time, I’ve been thinking about this interesting phenomenon. Everyone wants their ideas to spread, but some people don’t like it when their followers become leaders within “their” conversation. Because they want to own the space. They want the deed to the conversation.

Here’s a newsflash:

No one can own a conversation.

You can stimulate. You can lead. You can provide the vision and the platform. You might even have started the conversation.

But that still doesn’t mean you own it.

So don’t get hurt if your followers become leaders. Don’t take it personally if someone steals your limelight or improves your idea. Don’t feel threatened if someone else profits from your ideas.

Because honestly…

We’re all thieves.

Dirty. Corrupt. Rotten Crooks.

We all borrow, we all steal. We all pretend at some point that we came up with it first. But no one did. No one really ever starts anything. We all stand on the shoulders of those who came before us. We’re all influenced by leaders, peers, followers, and friends. What we do is just a mashing of a million different ideas, filtered through our own unique perceptions, views, and conceptions.

So, if you think you own an idea… get over yourself.

You don’t own the conversation. You don’t own the idea. You don’t even own the words you used to formulate it.

You can’t copyright a vision. You can’t patent a movement. You can’t possess what can’t be seen.

That’s because…

An idea is bigger than you.

Something to stand for is more important than the person standing for it. A vision is more important than the person providing it. A movement is bigger than the people moving it.

The people are important. Leaders are important. But they are never more important than the principle or the idea itself.

I should probably note here that I don’t mean it’s okay to blatantly rip someone off. But it is okay to be inspired by others, to share ideas, to mix, and meld.

And if you were obviously inspired by someone else, and what you’re doing looks pretty similar to what they’re doing… give them some credit. Your work might not have happened if it weren’t for theirs.

But let’s not pretend that any of us really own anything. Because we don’t. Our lives are temporary. We don’t own our ideas, we don’t even own our bodies.

Long after us, someone else will be living for the same reasons you are. They will be working toward similar things you are. A conversation, an idea, a principle is not constrained by space and time.

So remember, it’s not about who started it. It’s about what we’re doing with it.

Why not do something beautiful, and leave it for others to decide who owns what?

Cubicle-dissenters and freedom-seekers, I present you with this manifesto on the liberation revolution.

This movement happening all around us is, quite literally, the story of mental bondage to freedom. People everywhere are finding liberation through ditching the work-template and living on their own terms.

If this movement interests you, we would like you to be a part of it.

You kick so much ass, it would be a shame to see that squandered by asphyxiation, due to fluorescent lighting and pointless committee meetings.

What you’ll find in this manifesto is 5,000 free words on the characteristics of this uprising. You’ll hear the reasons of others and why they’re committed to the freedom of working for themselves and reclaiming their time and their minds.

DOWNLOAD THE FREE MANIFESTO HERE.

The reason for this:

People have long been ditching the employee model of life, but rarely has there been a collective banding together of individuals to support each other in this movement. This manifesto is an attempt to create a coherent, articulate representation of the reason we are unsatisfied with the work-template and why we are seeking a new paradigm.

What’s under the hood:

• Why we’re tired of choking back vomit because we’re going another day doing a job we hate, with people we don’t connect with, working for someone we don’t respect.
• How we’re transforming our relationship with work, through breaking down social conventions and overly politicized nonsense.
• Why we think entrepreneurship is one of the highest forms of self-actualization and self-improvement.
• How we’re in this together.
• How to cultivate the “Free-man” (or free-woman) mindset and seven things you can do right now.
• The importance of getting to Game Over.

Are you totally down with this revolution? Is this something you’ve been waiting for?

Here’s how you can help:

1. Spread the word. Send this manifesto to your friends, family, or co-worker that’s about to commit suicide (she needs to read this). Tweet about it, send it to your friends, print it out and post it on the telephone polls on your block.
2. Declare your freedom. There is no better way can you help strengthen this revolution than by declaring your own sovereignty. By reclaiming your own freedom, you give others the courage to do the same.

What the hell is this all about man?

This manifesto is something I’ve been working on for the past two weeks as part of Project Mojave, my new lovechild.

I’m a member of the faculty there where my title is Director of Ass Kicking.

No I’m not joking (I couldn’t make this stuff up). It’s basically what I was born to do.

Over the course of the next few days, you’ll get a chance to see what this crazy revolution is all about and how you can become a member. There’s a really awesome video up right now called “The Freedom Business Blueprint,” which basically defines the qualities of a massive freedom-supporting business. I highly recommend you go check it out.

Lots more awesome, free stuff is coming, so I hope you sign up for the list so you can get updates.

Anyway, that’s about it. More details will be coming soon.

Please let me know what you think of the manifesto. I can’t wait to hear your feedback.

I don’t have everything figured out.

You might think that because I write about self development, I must have all my eggs in neat little baskets, with ducks lined in immaculately straight rows, filed at attention. But I don’t.

The truth is, I haven’t met a single person that writes about this stuff, teaches, or practices “growing” on a daily basis that does have it all figured out.

It’s actually the reverse. Most of us are trying to teach so that we can learn, ourselves. The best way to immerse yourself in a field and master it, is to teach (or attempt to teach) it. Hands down.

Now that we’ve gotten that evangelical misconception out of the way, I’d like to talk to you about something else. (And trust me, you won’t hear this often on any other personal development blogs or “new age law of attraction” type sites.) What I want to talk about is this: sometimes personal growth, achieving goals, having an “abundance mindset,” and all that stuff doesn’t really matter. 

The dark side of self development  and Abnormal growth

That’s because devoting yourself to personal development isn’t like other pursuits. It’s not the same thing as playing tennis on the weekends, or collecting stamps. You can pick up and drop hobbies like that easily. Chances are slim that you’ll keep collecting stamps even though you decided you hate stamps.

Personal development, on the other hand, is a different story. Once you get into personal growth, you can’t just opt-out. You can go forward, but you can’t go back.

I’ve thought a lot about the term “growth” over the past few months. And I’ve come to realize that it might not be the best way to describe living to your fullest potential. It’s not really just an issue of semantics; it’s an issue of the way we frame things. If we’re always trying to grow past this moment, we’re never here. If we’re always moving toward the next step, we’re never enjoying right now. Plus, there’s a big difference between conscious growth (becoming who you are) and growth for the sake of growing.

If you’re always seeking to “grow” because it seems like a smart thing to do, you’ve got the wrong idea. Corporations run into this problem all the time. Their goals are so fixed on growth that they fail to see the bigger picture. Things like community, culture, and values are compromised for the sake of their stocks rising a few points. This type of growth is not sustainable (see: housing bubble).

These market projectors get so obsessed with growth that they refer to losses as “negative growth periods.” What the hell is a negative growth period? Delusion, anyone?

In the same way with personal growth — sometimes growing is not important.

• Sometimes it’s more important to cultivate spontaneity and stillness
• Sometimes you need to cash out on your growth, take a breath and celebrate your achievements.
• Sometimes you need a break from growing because you don’t want to experience burnout.
• Sometimes you need a break simply because you get so preoccupied with growing, that it becomes unconscious. It’s abnormal and not the good kind of growth. After all, cancer grows really well in the right conditions. Not the kind of “growth” we’re looking for.
• Sometimes you need to pause growth because you realize it’s not just about increase. You realize decrease and hacking away at the inessentials is just as important as exploring, expansion, and pushing the boundaries.

The dangers of personal development is when it stops being about real development. It becomes something you feel you should do because it’s a good idea. That’s precisely why I don’t like the term “self improvement.” Because when you’re too focused on improvement, your vision gets muddled. It’s like some “zen masters” that brag about how long they sit in zazen. How long you sit is not the point. How many self development books you have on your shelf is not the point, either.

It’s more than reading a few tips in a list that make you feel good for the next 10 minutes. It’s more than just “hacking” your life and buying a color coded moleskin notebook.

Uncovering the culprit

It gets dangerous when personal development becomes less about who you are, and turns into something you do just because you’re supposed to improve. Even more so, when you’re trying to “develop” yourself to reach a false image of perfection. This is seriously counter productive, people.

I think the biggest problem is that a lot of the “gung-ho” part of self-development encourages you to be positive. To be disciplined. To take responsibility and make things happen.

That’s great, and I think those are powerful tools when used appropriately, but the problem lies when authenticity is sacrificed for positivity and discipline.

In fact, if you’re like me, you probably often wonder where the line is drawn between “sucking it up” and being authentic. Is it even possible to reconcile the two? After all, what if, to you, being “authentic” means sitting on the couch eating Funyuns all day? Isn’t that valid? While there’s a time and place for serious couch time, if this is you’d consider “being real with yourself,” then you’re probably delusional. In the same way, if you feel that being authentic would mean to always be working, sweating and striving, I think you’re also deluding yourself. Because true happiness is really about balance. Balance between being and becoming. (Notice how “be” is first in “become.” It’s not an accident)

So what does this mean?

We have to get out of our heads

When we’re doing something just because it’s a good idea, or because we think we should “put some time in” to improve, we need to take a step back. We have to ask “Is this just ego driven? Or is this what I really want?” Sometimes it helps to question whether or not we’re just doing something re-actively, because we’ve become habituated to a pattern.

Pursuing personal growth is a powerful thing. But it should be used to uncover and cultivate a more authentic self. When personal development techniques get turned against themselves, that’s when they become counter-productive. What’s supposed to make us happier (pursuing our own evolution), can be the source of our misery when we’re doing it for the wrong (ego-driven) reasons.

Instead of living more authentically, we end up rejecting life as it is, in this moment. And this is the moment in which we have to live.

It’s always this moment. Right here. Right now.

It’s not about becoming something better. It’s about connecting with your deepest, most effortless self.

Cultivating that connection with your authentic self — your heart, really — is what personal growth is really about. It’s about shedding all of the pretenses, the limiting beliefs, and duplicity. Not growing out of who you are or denying your present self.

If personal growth is any kind of “becoming”, it’s becoming more of who you already are. After all, don’t you have to be, before you can become?

Mind like water

So, sometimes it’s better when you stop caring about personal development. Sometimes when you clutch to hard, you suffocate your intentions. Sometimes you have to get out of your own way.

Instead, become like water. If the situation requires you to flow, you flow. If you need to grow or expand to move past an obstacle, you adjust the course.

Be like water. Reflect, but don’t seek to possess. Be still when the situation is appropriate or crash when necessary.

Grow and move, but not for the sake of it.

Life is a waking dream. -Aristotle

Following your dreams is scary. I get it.

What’s more scary is spending much of our lives searching for the illusion of security. What dreams would you have left behind if you didn’t live tomorrow? Would you regret not following your heart?

Beyond the grind.

The daily grind leads us to believe we should live by the rule of Panem et Cicenses, the Roman concept of bread and circuses; meager games and food to keep the populace entertained whilst powerful men do cruel things behind closed doors.

The monotony makes us think that we should keep our feet on the ground, heads down, mouths shut and our noses to the grindstone. We call this making a living. It’s more like a dying.

I think otherwise; I live by my dreams and can teach you how to do the same.

Escape from cubicle hell.

Not too long ago I wasn’t living my dreams at all. Far from it. I was in the wrong crowd, partying heavily and abusing my body. I worked at a job I hated as a file clerk (I called it file-hell-liaison) and woke up unhappy on a daily basis.

Then I had a wake up call. I partied too much one night and ended up in the hospital. It’s funny how an IV in your arm helps you get your priorities straight.

So I woke up and cleaned up my act. I landed a job in a highly creative environment that reinforces my passions. I married the woman I love and started writing about personal development and how to achieve your dreams. I got really clear about what I wanted and started to come alive.

What I realized is the most effective ways to improve your life are often counter intuitive. They go against conventional wisdom and what’s supposed to work. Now I want to teach you everything I’ve learned that’s brought me to a path of overflowing awesomeness.

Give yourself permission to dream again.

In Reclaim Your Dreams you’ll learn how to resurrect your dreams from the grave of practicality and start making them a reality. Think of your dearest dream. You know, the one that keeps nudging you as you sit in your cubicle (under that beautiful fluorescent lighting). Imagine how it will feel to accomplish your dreams and the impact you will have on this planet.

Can you see yourself getting there? Perhaps not alone, but I can guide you. The first 25 people to buy Reclaim Your Dreams will get a free personal phone, email or chat based coaching session from me on how you can achieve your dreams.

Here are just a few of the things that Reclaim Your Dreams will teach you:

1. Define Your Dreams – Dreams are fickle creatures and can sometimes be hard to tie down, but with a little effort you can do it. Identifying is the first step on the way to achieving and this book will give you the tools to do just that.
2. Overcome Uncertainty – You probably wonder at some level whether dreams are practical or just ridiculous. You may not necessarily doubt the dream itself, but the uncertainty that comes with working towards it. You fear your limitations. You fear your weaknesses. Reclaim Your Dreams will show you that conventional wisdom is really just a big, fat collective assumption. Dreams are possible and Reclaim Your Dreams will show you step by step just how to make them take root in the world.
3. Wake Up Happy – While there are the elusive few like yourself who dare to dream, there are others who would seek to bring you down. You’ll learn how to overcome the naysayers and how to start being excited about your life again.

Very recently I turned down a high-end corporate job — that would have paid me twice my current salary — because I understood it was a dream-suffocating environment. I feel so strongly about my work that I am giving you a complete and utter guarantee:

If Reclaim Your Dreams does not set you down the path of success within 90 days or less, I will give you your money back. I don’t need to hear the reasons, because I know you hold the potential to unlock your dreams. We just need to release it.

You could be totally excited about your life within a few moments.

This ebook lists for $24.95 and it could sell thousands and thousands of copies at that price, but just to further show my commitment to your success for the next 30 days, every single reader will get 20% off the list price. You can purchase Reclaim Your Dreams for only $19.95. Although I’d like to leave it at this price forever, I know human nature too well. It would be noted and forgotten, and another dream would be left unachieved. I don’t want that. That’s why this is a limited time offer, so I encourage you to buy now.

The truth is, you can’t afford not to dream. You can’t afford to let another year slip away without following your heart. You have to start now.

So will you give me permission to show you how to come alive?

Us dreamers could use some company

- Jonathan

PS: This book is less than the price of dinner for two at a pretty cheap restaurant. That’s a pretty sweet deal for something that will completely change your life. Imagine waking up excited about your life every day, wouldn’t that be nice?

You have until February 13th to buy at the discounted price of $19.95. After that, the price goes back up.

If you’re still not convinced, here’s a free gift: a sample chapter of Reclaim Your Dreams so you can try it before you buy it. Click here to download sample chapter.

Ready to reclaim your dreams yet?

Growing up, I spent a lot of time thinking about the purpose of life. In church they would tell you the purpose is to go to heaven and to be a good person. “Why?” I always thought. There’s no question that being a good person is essential for living a fulfilling life. But what’s the point? Why do anything at all?

Why is a meaningless question. The reason being, why always leads us in an infinite loop. You can always repeat the answer to “why” with another “why.” The only time the question really ends is when you answer “because it’s fun” or “because I enjoy it.”

This took me a while to accept, but the purpose of life is to enjoy it. If you’re trying to find the purpose of life, by looking for something outside of life, you’re never going to find an answer. That’s because the purpose of life is life.

That doesn’t help you much, does it? We all want a larger purpose, something to give our lives meaning when everything seems meaningless.

The truth is, life doesn’t have a purpose. That’s hard to swallow. When I realized this, I felt lost. I felt confused and I felt like giving up.

What I failed to realize is that life doesn’t have a purpose because of free will. There is no purpose forced on  you. You can choose to have a purpose, or to not have a purpose, but life isn’t going to give you one. You don’t need to let this bother you though. The only reason you need for having a purpose is because you want one.

The only question you need to answer now, is do you want a purpose or do you not want one? As soon as you figure that out, let me know. I’ll wait.

I’m assuming that if you’re still reading, your answer was yes. That’s good, because not having a purpose isn’t very fun. At least not for me.

Now that we have that sorted out, we need to understand one crucial thing that drives people to insanity and causes them to spend their lives in the confines of a cubicle.

And that is:

Your purpose is not your job

Yes, that’s right. Your purpose has nothing to do with your degree, your resume, your career, or vocation. Your purpose is independent of all those things. In fact, it’s much bigger than any of those.

Purpose has to do with your creative self expression. It has to do with what makes you feel alive. It’s something you do, where at the end of the day you think “I made a difference.”

Now, if you want to find out what that is, take a minute to do a little exercise that I originally found here.

1. Take out a blank sheet of paper or open word, notepad or textedit. Whatever works best for you.
2. Now write at the top “What is my true purpose in life?”
3. Write everything that comes to mind. Don’t think about it too much, just write.
4. Keep writing until you write something that makes you cry. That is your purpose.

When you come up with your final answer, you will know it. It won’t be something you’ve decided logically, you will simply know it in your heart.

If you find this exercise to not be structured enough, change the question to “How would I want to be remembered when I die?”

After you’ve discovered your purpose, your job is to live as closely in alignment with it as possible. The more you live in alignment with your purpose or your bliss, the more you will deeply enjoy your life.

Now remember when I said that your “job” is not your purpose? Well, it’s half-true. Your career can be a medium for the expression of your purpose. If your purpose is to help others live in truth and express your inner creativity, you’re probably not going to be able to do that very well working as an file-clerk for a company that is greedy and self-serving. You can live partially in alignment with your purpose this way, trying to help others and going against the morals or your employer, but you’re still ultimately assisting corporate greed.

You’ll probably find living in complete harmony with your purpose isn’t easy. It might take you a year, or a few years before you find a medium (a career path) that best serves the expression of your purpose. If you can’t find a job out there that does that, you might have to create one (like I’m doing here, through this blog).

So how do you move more in alignment with your purpose? How do you take your purpose and your dreams and make them a reality? That will be the next article in the series. See you next week!

For more ways to make your dreams a reality subscribe to Illuminated Mind today.

People spend vast amounts of time (and sometimes their whole life) wrestling with their minds, trying to figure out if their dreams are practical or ridiculous. Eventually most people give up, because they simply couldn’t make a decision.

The single biggest reason for unaccomplished goals and unfulfilled dreams, is the lack of ability to make a serious commitment. How many times in your life have you not done what you wanted to do, simply because you couldn’t make up your mind?

Putting yourself on auto-response (which I will explain in a minute) is about finding the means to silence your practical mind’s constant decision weighing and follow your heart, no matter how terrifying it may seem.

Most people know what their ideal life would look like. Most people know what they want and how the life of their dreams would look, feel and taste.

So if everyone knows what they want, what stops people from achieving their dreams? What could possibly stop them from leaving a dead end job and dropping unwanted commitments? It’s not that they don’t know what they want, they just don’t know how to get there.

The Myth That Broken Dreams Are Caused by a Lack of Belief in Yourself

Their is a common myth pervading the lifestyle design space that says: “The number one reason people don’t accomplish their dreams is because of a lack of courage and a shortage of self-confidence.” In short, the myth claims that people would follow their dreams, but they just don’t have the guts and self-trust to do so.

I, personally, think this is wrong. People don’t need more courage, confidence, or trust in their ideas. They know, deep down, that they can do it. They just don’t know how.

The problem is that your heart says, “Go for it, follow your dreams,” while your mind says, “How the hell do you think you’re actually going to make that happen?”

Despite your best intentions to listen your heart and follow your dreams, it’s not that easy to silence that big booming voice of practicality in your mind. All of this is even more daunting when you’re at project liberation: Ground Zero. (It’s hard to ignore the 7,000 feet you have yet to climb.)

I know what you’re thinking and it’s the same thing I’ve been contemplating since I started chasing the crazy idea of personal freedom: How do you overcome the voice of “reason” while trying to follow your dreams? How do you get pasts that intimidating feeling when you’re staring up from sea level at the summit? Let’s be honest, too: it wouldn’t be so bad either if you’ve actually climbed before, but you’ve barely learned to crawl.

So the way we overcome the screaming voice of practicality is:

Putting Yourself on Auto-Response

Putting yourself on auto-response means silencing your practical mind, in the face of the seemingly unpractical and ridiculous ideas. Faced with liberating your life, instead of thinking “I don’t know where to start,” your auto-response becomes “I’ll figure it out.”

This is especially useful when:

• You want to start your own business and you’re terrified of failure.
• You are tired of living your life based on a pre-assigned template.
• You want to quit your dead end job, but you don’t have a leg to stand on.
• You are ready to denounce your membership with the Cult of Productivity.
• You want to disengage from the cubicle machine (somethings wrong with your cog), but you don’t want to be homeless.
• You want to end the rat race and stop climbing the corporate ladder (and sacrificing your happiness).
• You’ve barely broken ground to start laying the foundation for your dreams.
• [insert your objective here]

Putting yourself on auto-response means you stop thinking about it and you start doing. You stop saying I don’t know. (Because we have all found ourselves saying “I’ve been thinking about starting my own business” or “I’ve been thinking about pursuing [insert what you love here].”) You correct things later and make it up as you go along. You act like you know what you’re doing, when in reality, you have no idea. You stop caring about not knowing.

You also stop caring about:

• Having an acceptable answer to the question “What do you do?“
• Being defined by the work you do and start caring more about the purpose of your work.
• Sufficing the idea that you need to complete prerequisites A and B before you can move on to C. You don’t necessarily need a degree in business to start one. You don’t necessarily need to have been a wilderness ranger before you decide to live off the grid.
• Failing and falling on your face. Eventually, though, you’ll probably learn how to create controlled falls and take calculated risks.
• Spending years (or a lifetime) in drudgery for future-promised happiness (ie. retirement).

Putting yourself on auto-response gives you the daily grit to keep plugging away when you’re tired and wondering if all this struggle is really worth it. It allows you to keep in perspective the reason for your constant pursuit of freedom from unwanted commitments. Most importantly it helps me remember that I’m doing this to serve my own goals (my own purpose) and not someone else’s.

Most of all, it allows your heart to have a say when confronted with the deafening voice of shoulds and social norms. It helps you keep things in perspective, when you have a long path to travel before your dreams are realized.

The End of The Internal Tug of War

There is a major conflict in our society between our mind and our heart. We struggle between what we love doing (our heart) and what we know is practical (our mind). Your practical mind is so loud that your heart –despite it’s screaming and flailing — can’t drown it out. But the goal isn’t to shut one of the two up. The goal is to harmonize them.

I have been reflecting a lot about what liberation means, whether it’s something you find out there, or if it’s something that comes from within. It hasn’t been an easy road for me trying to find balance between my heart and my mind. What has helped me more than anything is not finding more confidence, but having an unshakable commitment to pursuing only authentic endeavors.

True liberation to me is a labor of impeccability with myself and constant realignment when I wander off the course of authenticity. It’s the liberation from a culture that always puts happiness in the future. It’s short-cutting bliss and going directly to the source… not at some future date that never seems to arrive.

Right now I’m currently working towards someone else’s goals to pay the bills. It’s damn hard to keep the daily resolution to keep working toward owning my own business and achieving a goal that, quite frankly, I may never realize. The truth is, though, I would rather be striving toward that ideal my entire life and never see it realized, then surrender to live searching for some false sense of security (and to merely survive).

So what’s the point of all this?

The pursuit of liberation is the pursuit of a completely authentic life. It’s being fully in control of your life and your time. It’s freedom from the expectations of society, of the people around you. It’s freedom from your mind.

Liberation and lifestyle design means different things to different people. There is no “one size fits all” answer. The whole point of lifestyle design is: you are the architect of your life

Note: Liberation means something different to everyone. I would to hear your thoughts on what liberation means to you and what you’re doing to liberate your life.

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There’s a lot of fluff floating around in the personal development blog-o-sphere. I think there are certain things that people tend to shy away from writing about when it comes to personal development. Here’s 10 of what I believe are the most uncommon things you’ll never learn from a personal development blog, but should.

1. There is is no personal development ceiling

There will never be a time in your personal growth where you can say “okay, I’m done.” You can’t grow so much that you will ever reach a ceiling. The beauty of personal development is that you’ll find whenever you grow, achieve goals or find more personal freedom, your context changes. The more you grow, the more your life will take on an upward spiral of personal growth. The more things get better, the more you realize what you thought was a 10 was really a 7.

A lot of people tend to think if you “fix” certain parts of your life, you’ll reach some kind of ever-lasting contentment. True growth, however, isn’t linear.

2. Re-framing just doesn’t always work

A lot of personal development blogs will give you advice on how to be more happy. They’ll also try to tell you how to re-frame negative situations and see the positive side of it. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, for every negative there is obviously a positive. It’s just the way the universe works. But sometimes negative situations just plain suck.

If I got hit by a car, I’m not going to be thinking about how I can re-frame this experience. I’m probably going to be more concerned with whether or not I’ll be able to walk again.

3. Acceptance is more important than happiness

Many people when pursuing personal development go on a happiness mono-diet. They want to be happy all the time and will do whatever it takes to make this happen. They have a realization that their life sucked because they were focusing only on the negative parts of their life. While this is a huge breakthrough for most people, many people don’t really “get it.” They go from one extreme to the other; instead of embracing both equally important sides of life (the good and the bad) and learning from them, they become Mary Poppins delusional.

Denying your negative feelings isn’t the path to greater happiness. Ignoring all the shitty parts of your life won’t make them go away.

As important as it is to appreciate the positive, we have to acknowledge and accept the negative. After all, if white wins over black, all we have left is empty space.

4. The outside is just as important as the inside

Ninety five percent of all personal development blogs will tell you in order to change your life, you need to change the inside. You need to change your beliefs and agreements that you have with yourself. Drop dis-empowering contexts and embrace empowering ones. Makes sense right? When learning this new-fangled concept people can get pretty crazy. They’ve been searching for happiness from the outside in and this seems to be pretty enlightening. They’ve been looking for fancy products, an exciting job, new cars, and Armani shades to make them happy.

They’ve realized that no matter how much of these things they acquire, their drug like bliss is fleeting at best. So we wisely start searching for happiness within. But internal happiness will not make you fall in love with a dead end job you hate, it will not make you “come to terms” with your abusive relationship and it will not put food on your table.

Just as we go from focusing on the negative to solely on the positive, we become extremists on the other side of the fence. In truth, there is no competition. Integrated and learning from the positive and negative are equally important.

5. Happiness creates productivity, not the other way around

Increased productivity is the result of increased happiness. Placing a complex productivity system on top of work you dread will be a short lived fix at best. We’re also often the most productive when what we’re doing has no purpose whatsoever.

6. Simply reading a bunch of productivity blogs will not improve your life

Reading seven thousand ways to hack your motivation and the ultimate guide to be a productivity samurai will not improve your life alone. Reading a list about 100 things to be happy about will not make you a happier person. Passively absorbing information will not revolutionize your life.

An inner coup against doing things that make you feel dead and liberating yourself requires hard work, introspection and action. While getting ideas and advice from other people can inspire you, what matters most is how you feel about your life and what you want. The only person that can figure that out is you.

7. Doing less of what you hate is as powerful as doing more of what you love

Sometimes quitting and dropping out of society and others expectations is just as powerful as doing more of what you love. In fact, I think you’ll find in order to really pursue your dreams, you’ll have to quit a lot of things and forget unwanted expectations; ones that other people would find normal and unnegotiable. They’ll probably find you absurd and completely insane.

Doing more of what you love will always involve quitting things that are really negotiable (but seem like they’re not) and dealing with some major critics. Don’t worry, your courage to live authentically just scares them. Who knows, maybe you’ll inspire them to come to terms with the fact that they’re living in drudgery and denial too.

8. The “Golden Rule” is flawed

Everyone knows the golden rule, do to others what you would have done to you. While this obviously has good intentions, it doesn’t work in all situations. Particularly, in relationships. If you do to your partner what you would have done to you, you’ll probably annoy them, piss them off and leave them feeling neglected. Real meaningful relationships are built on trust and interdependency.

If you really care about someone, you’ll do everything you can to find out how they would like to be treated.

9. Your search for happiness, can often make you miserable

Searching for happiness will often mean that you have to face a lot negative aspects of your life you’d rather ignore. You’ll have to deal with all the negative experiences you’ve had in your past and try to find ways to learn from them. Moving forward sometimes means taking two steps back in order to take a step forward.

10. Addiction to self-improvement can ruin your life

You would think if you’re all gung-ho about self improvement, there’s no chance your enthusiasm can back-fire. Unfortunately, addiction to seemingly positive pursuits can be just as detrimental to negative ones. Addiction to self improvement can cause you to spend all your time trying to improve, but never actually living.

The goal of self improvement is to learn and grow, not to get sucked into a vacuum of obsession. There are many ways self improvement can ruin your life. We just need to keep in mind that self improvement is a means to an end, not an end in itself.

This list is obviously not exhaustive. What do you think people tend to shy away from talking about? Let’s start a discussion. =)

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photo by rent-a-moose

Isn’t the essential reason behind greater productivity, greater happiness? Aren’t we supposed to get more done so we can have more time for the things we enjoy?

Our pursuit of increased productivity, should result in increased happiness right? But do we really feel free?

Our aim to be more productive and increase efficiency can often lead to obsession. We confuse achievement for happiness. Our happiness should be the inspiration for achievement, not the other way around. When our happiness is found in achievement, we get sucked into constantly putting our happiness in the future.

We’ll allow ourselves happiness when..

… We pay off our debt.
… We don’t have anymore problems.
… We lose 20 pounds.
… We have x amount of money in the bank.
… Our lives are perfect.

There’s nothing wrong with being more productive, the problem occurs when our happiness is determined by it.

The Truth is.. We’re Often the Happiest When What We’re Doing Has Absolutely no Purpose.

We create productivity systems to make us more efficient and get more done. When we originally start on this path, our reason is to have more free time and decrease the stress of unfinished tasks hanging over our heads. If it’s done, we don’t have to think about it anymore, right?

But somewhere along the lines we lose sight and our desire to accomplish becomes an obsession. We’ve become a member of the cult of productivity. Productivity is no longer a means to an end, it’s the end entirely. In fact, we never get there, do we?

That’s Because.. There’s Always Something to Obsess Over.

The essential tenet of the cult of productivity is we’ve turned a means into an end. We no longer see the forest for the trees. Instead of doing things to enjoy them, we do things solely for the future benefit. We never get there though because we’re constantly living in the future. I’ve been there and it sucks.

A few symptoms of this disease are…

… Meditation for the sake of gaining a clearer, calmer mind, and increased ability to focus.
… Exercising for the benefit of better health, stamina and increased energy.
… Organization for the sake of a clearer mind and fewer distractions.
… Socializing to make more contacts and increase your circle of influence.
… Personal development for the sake of it.

There’s nothing really wrong with any of these things up front (except perhaps that last one.) The problem is when do these things because we know we should. Instead of a joy and a means to improve our life, they’ve become grim duties.

I’ve found myself caught up in this rat race. Becoming obsessed with making more money, being a better employee, a better husband, a better person, a better organizer, a more likable person. All of these things seem like noble pursuits, but when you lose sight of your intentions, you become a slave to your goals.

We’re no longer doing them, they’re doing us. Our obsession with our goals has moved us from inspiration, to enslavement. I know I’m not the only one that’s experienced this. It’s hard to remember the authentic reason for your goals and not let your ego’s identity get caught up in them.

We’re so obsessed with the outcome that we don’t even appreciate the results when they arrive. We’re already caught up in “what’s next.”

Productivity is Not the Root of Happiness.

Judging your happiness based on productivity doesn’t make much sense when happiness is the root of productivity. Productivity will never be the root of happiness.

If your goals are starting to own you, maybe it’s time you took a step back and re-evaluated your life. Are your goals serving you, or have they become insufferable, bovine taskmasters?

We need to have the courage to re-evaluate, drop and re-prioritize our goals at any time. Our lives aren’t static. A goal that may have served you well a year ago, could be completely out of alignment with your life now. Sometimes quitting things or breaking up is the best answer.

When it comes down to it, the most important thing is how we feel. If our goals are making us feel like sh*t, then they’re probably not doing much good for us.

If you count every minute that goes by till 5 o’clock, maybe you need to say “I quit.” If your friends are bringing you down, perhaps it’s time to let them go. All of this takes guts and can be absolutely terrifying. But how much time do you have to live a life that is less than what you dream of? Most people aren’t afraid of dying as much as they’re afraid of truly living. Letting go of fear is scary in and of itself. That’s because you’ll no longer have your ego to hide behind. You’ll no longer have your socially conditioned idea of “what I should do” to crouch yourself down under.

Most people in our time have a internal conflict between what they love (what they want to do) and what they feel is practical (what they should do). The solution to this problem isn’t easy, but the answer is clear. You don’t have to settle for either or.

What it Really Takes: The Marriage of Your Heart and Mind

Just like any relationship, the marriage of your heart and mind requires hard work. Their might be a honeymoon stage at first. You’ll blissfully forget the world and follow the most impractical notions. Enjoy it. But reality will set in sooner or later and you’ll have to do some real soul searching. You’ll have to re-create a relationship that satisfies both your heart and your mind’s needs. Anything less just isn’t worth living for.

If you feel like you’re getting caught up in ego-driven goals and you’re drowning in your own expectations, it’s time to stop and think about where your life is going. If your “sacrifices” are making you miserable, maybe they weren’t worth it in the first place. Just ask yourself.. Does this make me feel alive?

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How can I make the best use of my time, what systems can I use to get things done faster, better, more efficiently? What can I do to stop procrastinating and start taking action? All of these are very valid questions and each of them has some merit to them.

But how often do we over-think things, over-analyze, and over-everything. Evaluation can be a great tool, it can help us figure out where our time is going and what things we need to change to make better use of our time. But I’d like to suggest a different approach.

Instead of looking at things from an outside-in approach. Instead of trying to tool and engineer our lives to yield a greater benefit, I think we can yield a much greater benefit by using an inside-out approach.

If we use our heart as our compass, and our conscience as our guide (jiminy cricket anyone?) we will naturally become motivated. If we find out what our passions are and strive to work towards a more heart-centered and emotionally fulfilling goal, the outer system will take care of itself. We won’t need productivity systems and widgets to accomplish our goals, because we will be internally driven.

How else can we apply this inside-out approach to accomplishing our goals?

Well the outside-in approach would tell you to gain more resources, more money, connections, assets, etc. This is a backward approach.

If we are constantly working on gaining more outer resources before we move to take action, we are neglecting the very source from which these resources will be gained. That source of course is our inner resources. These are our knowledge, our skills, principles, values, emotional balance, creativity, and social skills.

When we shift our focus to developing our inner resources there may be some downtime before we see the pay-off in acquisition of outer resources. It may take some time to develop greater skills and competencies. But now we’re working toward long-term secure gains instead of short high-risk payoffs.

Not only does shifting our focus from an outside-in to an inside-out approach yield us greater long term resources and security, it also has some bonus side effects. When we develop our inner resources we become more confident, self-aware, and gain inner security. We know that no matter what happens to our external circumstances, we can always fall back on our internal resources. We also realize that what is inside is more important then what is on the outside. Because of this we become more centered.

Take a look at your life, in what areas are do you have an imbalance? Are you waiting for all the right circumstances and resources before you take action?
Or do you rely on your internal resources, your personal competencies and strengths to create the circumstances that you desire? Perhaps the real lesson is that the more we take action in our lives, the more we stretch and build those internal strengths, the more power we gain in our lives.

The more we take control of our lives instead of surrendering to whatever happens to us, the more power we gain over our lives and the more freedom we find.

We realize that the freedom was with us all along, not to be found somewhere outside of us, but within.

Further reading: Goalless living? What would it be like to live without goals?

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