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People seek self-help for a reason, to help themselves, duh. But like all good things, self improvement has it’s disadvantages. Some people take it too far. Instead of improving their lives, they become delusional.

1. Tony the Tiger… err Robbins

Before I got into personal development, I always thought of people like Tony the Tiger.. I mean Tony Robbins and Richard Simmons as the epitome of self improvement. I guess like many people, I confused self improvement with motivational speakers.

Don’t get me wrong, I like Tony Robbins, I think he’s a great guy and I’m sure he’s helped a lot of people out. But it’s just not my style.

The whole chest pounding, firewalking thing always threw me off. I understand the idea is to get pumped up, but can’t you do that without burning your feet to a crisp? Also, is that really sustainable? If I have to walk on hot coals everyday just to find motivation, something is probably wrong with my life.

These are also the people that remain positive under any circumstances.

Volcano eruption? The heat will help you sweat and detoxify.

Hurricane? Now I don’t have to wash my car.

Earthquake caused a gaping hole in the middle of your house? We could make a swimming pool!

Denial Anyone?

2. Productivity is the opiate of the masses.

There are certain things you must do. This includes things you need to do to not die and stay out of prison.

Some people just have a problem with these things and turn to productivity gurus for help. But it can often be taken overboard. When you can’t enjoy yourself without doing something productive, you have a problem.

3. Self Improvement is your drug of choice

There’s nothing wrong with ferociously pursuing personal development and new contexts. The problem is when “improving” has become more of a drug than means to an end.

Some signs of this deadly illness may include:

• Lack of friends, social life, or connection to the outside world
• Improving has become more important than living
• Spending half your day reading lists such as “4,000 motivation hacks” and “12 ways to super power ultra charge your brain” but can’t recite a single sentence from any of them.

4. Hacking your life is more important than living it

Some of your favorite conversations include: a new method for color coding your to do list (purple is uber urgent, black is ninja important!), how you turned your watch into a fork slash writing utensil slash stapler, and how to turn your dishwasher into a plasma tv.

You also think that hacking your life includes using cashew butter instead of peanut butter on a jelly sandwich, using a clothes iron to make grilled cheese, and hacking your sweatshirt.

Although I do have to admit, if I could pull off the sweatshirt hack without looking extremely flamboyant, I might give it a go.

5. Um, it’s your turn. Move.

Imagine you aspire to be grandmaster chess player. You study the game, your read books, you watch other masters play. You’re so engrossed with learning and improving your game, you never actually play. You’re just stuck on “what’s next.”

When you’re so gung-ho on improving, it can be easy to lose sight of the reason for it in the first place: to make life better. But if you’re just preparing to live and not actually living, what’s the point?

Some honorable mentions were…

Not being able to feel good about yourself without listening to a tape of “Because I’m special and I’m worth it” and the guy that thinks Lao Tzu was a Zen master.

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photo by rent-a-moose

Isn’t the essential reason behind greater productivity, greater happiness? Aren’t we supposed to get more done so we can have more time for the things we enjoy?

Our pursuit of increased productivity, should result in increased happiness right? But do we really feel free?

Our aim to be more productive and increase efficiency can often lead to obsession. We confuse achievement for happiness. Our happiness should be the inspiration for achievement, not the other way around. When our happiness is found in achievement, we get sucked into constantly putting our happiness in the future.

We’ll allow ourselves happiness when..

… We pay off our debt.
… We don’t have anymore problems.
… We lose 20 pounds.
… We have x amount of money in the bank.
… Our lives are perfect.

There’s nothing wrong with being more productive, the problem occurs when our happiness is determined by it.

The Truth is.. We’re Often the Happiest When What We’re Doing Has Absolutely no Purpose.

We create productivity systems to make us more efficient and get more done. When we originally start on this path, our reason is to have more free time and decrease the stress of unfinished tasks hanging over our heads. If it’s done, we don’t have to think about it anymore, right?

But somewhere along the lines we lose sight and our desire to accomplish becomes an obsession. We’ve become a member of the cult of productivity. Productivity is no longer a means to an end, it’s the end entirely. In fact, we never get there, do we?

That’s Because.. There’s Always Something to Obsess Over.

The essential tenet of the cult of productivity is we’ve turned a means into an end. We no longer see the forest for the trees. Instead of doing things to enjoy them, we do things solely for the future benefit. We never get there though because we’re constantly living in the future. I’ve been there and it sucks.

A few symptoms of this disease are…

… Meditation for the sake of gaining a clearer, calmer mind, and increased ability to focus.
… Exercising for the benefit of better health, stamina and increased energy.
… Organization for the sake of a clearer mind and fewer distractions.
… Socializing to make more contacts and increase your circle of influence.
… Personal development for the sake of it.

There’s nothing really wrong with any of these things up front (except perhaps that last one.) The problem is when do these things because we know we should. Instead of a joy and a means to improve our life, they’ve become grim duties.

I’ve found myself caught up in this rat race. Becoming obsessed with making more money, being a better employee, a better husband, a better person, a better organizer, a more likable person. All of these things seem like noble pursuits, but when you lose sight of your intentions, you become a slave to your goals.

We’re no longer doing them, they’re doing us. Our obsession with our goals has moved us from inspiration, to enslavement. I know I’m not the only one that’s experienced this. It’s hard to remember the authentic reason for your goals and not let your ego’s identity get caught up in them.

We’re so obsessed with the outcome that we don’t even appreciate the results when they arrive. We’re already caught up in “what’s next.”

Productivity is Not the Root of Happiness.

Judging your happiness based on productivity doesn’t make much sense when happiness is the root of productivity. Productivity will never be the root of happiness.

If your goals are starting to own you, maybe it’s time you took a step back and re-evaluated your life. Are your goals serving you, or have they become insufferable, bovine taskmasters?

We need to have the courage to re-evaluate, drop and re-prioritize our goals at any time. Our lives aren’t static. A goal that may have served you well a year ago, could be completely out of alignment with your life now. Sometimes quitting things or breaking up is the best answer.

When it comes down to it, the most important thing is how we feel. If our goals are making us feel like sh*t, then they’re probably not doing much good for us.

If you count every minute that goes by till 5 o’clock, maybe you need to say “I quit.” If your friends are bringing you down, perhaps it’s time to let them go. All of this takes guts and can be absolutely terrifying. But how much time do you have to live a life that is less than what you dream of? Most people aren’t afraid of dying as much as they’re afraid of truly living. Letting go of fear is scary in and of itself. That’s because you’ll no longer have your ego to hide behind. You’ll no longer have your socially conditioned idea of “what I should do” to crouch yourself down under.

Most people in our time have a internal conflict between what they love (what they want to do) and what they feel is practical (what they should do). The solution to this problem isn’t easy, but the answer is clear. You don’t have to settle for either or.

What it Really Takes: The Marriage of Your Heart and Mind

Just like any relationship, the marriage of your heart and mind requires hard work. Their might be a honeymoon stage at first. You’ll blissfully forget the world and follow the most impractical notions. Enjoy it. But reality will set in sooner or later and you’ll have to do some real soul searching. You’ll have to re-create a relationship that satisfies both your heart and your mind’s needs. Anything less just isn’t worth living for.

If you feel like you’re getting caught up in ego-driven goals and you’re drowning in your own expectations, it’s time to stop and think about where your life is going. If your “sacrifices” are making you miserable, maybe they weren’t worth it in the first place. Just ask yourself.. Does this make me feel alive?

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